It's Gettin' Real in Here

Vulnerability is not weakness. It's willingness to reveal the process.

This is my journey over the past year. I shared the highs and lows with a group of friends a couple weeks ago. Here is my heart for you to read. Whether you relate to it or not, I hope He speaks to you.

January 8, 2012, I jogged through a Bethel podcast. I had just joined the gym and tried to pass the time listening to sermons. Candace Johnson is her name. She was talking about community. "I was hearing people say that nobody knows what they are going through. No one knows who they really are. Well, what I would ask is, "How vulnerable are you really being?"".

Click. Lightbulb on. It made sense to me because there I was in a sea of amazing friends and I felt just like those people. I felt like no one, or hardly anyone, really knew what I was going through.

Throughout the next months I dissected my relationships and realized at some point I stopped being vulnerable. I prided myself on being a listener only to discover I had stopped talking. I had closed myself off to people and only ever listened.

On top of being silent, I had become a people pleaser, desperate to not be judged. Let me explain. If you are vulnerable, you open yourself up to being judged. People will judge what you say. They will judge how you think and how you react. If you are trying to please man, the least amount of offense will cause the least judgement. In short, don't talk and you won't be judged and people will be pleased with you.

NO.
No.
NO!!!

The Holy Spirit continued to reveal to me these unhealthy patterns of thinking and I started stepping out on the water of trust. I WILL be vulnerable and share what's going on in MY life. I WILL be vulnerable and open myself up to judgment because God is my only true judge and He judges with a gavel of love and a heart of forgiveness.

Ahh. Exhale. It's so freeing to live like He created you to live and not in bondage to the enemy's schemes. Because you see, the enemy didn't want me to write this or share this because it might set someone free. It might set you free. Or maybe you know someone who hasn't been able to be vulnerable.

This is not where it ends. Ha! This is just another beginning. I am so crazy thankful that we are ever evolving. I am queen of vulnerability these days and it is so freeing. He does have need of my voice and He has need of yours.

Vulnerability is not weakness. It's willingness to reveal the process.